It’s over! Yes, yes, I know…but before you take to Facebook to let the world know of your newfound singledom in all it’s glam and glorydom remember these 7 simple rules about what NOT to post online following a breakup.
EntrepreneursMatch.com -- #1 Online Dating Site for Sexy Successful Entrepreneurs
1. Avoid denial. Take down that profile pic with you as a couple. Don’t post a message on his wall as if you’re still friends. Remove your relationship status (with as little fanfare as possible).
2. Don’t post cryptic notes about your ex or your emotional state. In fact, as a general note, don’t post cryptic notes on Facebook ever. If you don’t want people to know why you’re sad, don’t insinuate that you’re blue.
3. Don’t post sappy breakup songs. Put them on your iPod and go for a jog instead.
4. Don’t get friends involved. Don’t comment on wall posts by any of his/her friends. Don’t force mutual friends to unfriend him in order to stay in your good books. If you have to hide statuses for a time, do so.
5. Don’t betray your ex’s trust. Keep it classy. Repeat this motto: No slander, no revenge posts — ever.
6. Don’t try to convince him/her to return, or publicly beg for forgiveness. If the two of you need to talk, do so in person.
7. Lastly,never admit to Facebook stalking. If you find yourself checking out his Facebook page, never comment that you’ve been there. Better yet, don’t check his page. Don’t write a status about the picture he just posted or the life he’s leading without you.
If your love life was on hold in 2013 and you’re ready to look for a spark again, it’s time to get your online dating persona in order. This year people will do almost everything online, and as our internet use evolves, online dating sites will offer more features to create fulsome experiences.
Ready to start? Here are a few of EOTM’s tips for finding love online in 2014:
Don’t Be Afraid To Start
It seems like a no brainer, but just signing up can be one of the biggest setbacks singles have to overcome. Joining an online dating site shows you’re proactive and trying to find a partner. Plus, with the rise of dating apps, online dating is now something you can do on the go from multiple devices.
Update Your Profile
Now that you’ve registered for a website, uploaded some photos, filled out your profile and sent some messages, your work should be done, right? Not quite. Every few weeks or months, make some updates to your profile to include new interests or a new outlook on what you’re looking for in a relationship. hoto — you should try changing or adding a new one every month or so.
Ditch The Selfies
Selfies were so 2013. This year, avoid selfies in front of the mirror, in a car, at the gym or anywhere for that matter. Have a friend take a picture of you and don’t forget to show off your pearly whites.
Don’t Over think Your Own Profile
Sometimes people get deterred from online dating if they’re stumped while putting together their profiles. It’s important to be unique in your About Me section, but if you can’t think of the perfect witty description, then type something simple, and return to it when you’re feeling more inspired.
Upload A Silly Picture
There’s no doubt a simple picture is essential for your online dating profile, but putting up an additional silly photo can help show off your personality a little more.
Make Time
Online dating isn’t that different from offline dating; both take time. Try setting one day a week to go on dates. For example, if Wednesdays work for your schedule, then give yourself several days before Wednesday to connect with someone online and set a date.
Set Goals & Give Him a Chance
Have you really thought about what you want out of your online dating experience? To help, try setting numeric goals.
If you are serious about finding a life partner, or at least a man to have some fun with, letting go of the idea that there are no good single men for you is a first critical step.
What you believe is your truth. And what you put out and expect is what you get. I’d love to hear how this (pretty simple) shift works for you. Happy dating entrepreneurs.
“I believe in the immeasurable power of love; that true love can endure any circumstance and reach across any distance. Awakening our soul to the core. It’s the fire in our hearts that brings peace to our minds.” — Carla B.
Entrepreneurs Match: Online Dating for Successful Entrepreneurs
What Is Love?
True Love is Caring. The ancient Greeks had many different names for different forms of love: passion, virtuous, affection for the family, desire, and general affection. But no matter how love is defined, they all hold a common trait: caring.
True Love is Attractive. Attraction and chemistry form the bond that allows people to mate. Without this romantic desire for another individual, a relationship is nothing more than lust or infatuation.
True Love is Attached. Like the mother-child bond, attachment comes after the initial attraction. Attachment is the long term love that appears anywhere from one to three years into a romantic relationship (sometimes sooner and very rarely after), and you’ll know you’ve found it when you can honestly say, “I’ve seen the worst and the best you have to offer, and I still love you,” while your partner feels the same way.
True Love is Commited. When it comes to true love, commitment is more than just monogamy. Its the knowledge that your partner cares for you and has your back, no matter what the circumstances. People who are strongly commited to one another will, when faced with seemingly negative information about their partner, see only the positive. For example, a friend comments that your partner doesn’t say a lot. “Ah yes, he’s the strong, silent type,” you reply. People with less commitment to their partner would instead say something like, “Yeah, I can never have conversation with him. Its annoying.
True Love is Intimate. Intimacy is a crucial component of all relationships, regardless of their nature. In order to know another, you need to share parts of yourself. This self-revealing behavior, when reciprocated, forms an emotional bond. Over time this bond strengthens and even evolves, so that two people merge closer and closer together. Intimacy by itself if is a great friendship, but compiled with the other things in this list, it forms an equation for true love.
Nothing special about our phone conversations…mostly short and sweet. He was not physically or mentally what I was use to (6ft, 235pds,witty, educated, well versed in the world of politics, world news, sports, economics and of course handsome.) He was not horrible looking…and considering…my standards have changed somewhat in the past couple years…it was his lucky day….but he only had one shot.
I’m gonna call this fella, Mr. “Manipulative,” at about 5’7, Hispanic with 2 children by two women whom by the way, he had never married. He was a small business owner like me…so we had a lil something something in common.
Over the course of about 3 weeks we had a couple of phone conversations and agreed to go on a date…#42…more specifically. He said he knew of a great Spanish place in Santa Monica, so we decided to hang out there. He offered to pick me up and I relented, since I am not really partial to disclosing too much information to early…we decide to meet their. The spot was near Santa Monica pier and from past experience…anything near the ocean is mostly always soothing to my mind….despite it being a first date and all. The restaurant is definitely ideal but on some days it is always packed to the gills.
The dinner was nice. I wasn’t ready to call it a night so I mentioned we should go to a bar up the street. We decided to hop in one car and leave the other parked. We had a interesting talk about internet dating, everything was groovy. However, I started getting a little uncomfortable as we drove in silence. I asked if he could turn on the music and he started flipping through the stations. He then landed on a mostly Spanish station and Ricky Martin’s La vida Loca came blarring through his speakers…it must have been his jam because he put the base up as if he was at the solemnity of the Virgin Mary or some other festivities that celebrate as if there is all there is. I can dig it, so I kept quite. After the song was over, he began with the “I just want to hang out and chill”. I said that the place is not far and is very relaxed, but he didn’t say anything. Then he said “we should go to your house and have a bottle of wine and watch a movie”. I said that this was not an option. He made it a point to let me know that I was insecure in myself which was the reason I would not allow him to come over. He perceived this to be a major flaw in me. He was very subtle in his approach…but his accusations were clear.
When he realized he was not going to get a invitation he just sat there and kind of pouted and said he was just gonna call it a night and drop me off, which he did with barely a good bye. I was home by 10. Funny thing, he texted when he got home and said he had a nice time. I was a bit put off by what happened in the car, but I figured that perhaps he was trying to see how far he could go…and at that point…I knew it was going to be a situation I would not entertain.
Considering I have already experienced his type on more than one occasion ..I decided to end it without even a thought of a second date.
I chuckle to myself, feeling a little bad for him…despite it all. I am sure there are plenty women who would entertain his offers…without any devious forms of manipulation.
In this game we call life I’ve came to realize men are just as insecure as women, sometimes even more. Some men are master manipulators and have the ability to transfer their own insecurities onto their woman. Whatever the case, I refuse to belittle myself to these types of games. After I mentally tossed him aside…I felt so much better. This experiment is helping me on so many levels. I hope it is for you too!
How do you define true love? Leave in comments below and tweet @eotmpr #GUYSAskGIRLS
Online Dating For Guys and Gals: Carla B.’s Ultimate Guide
Online datingstatistics provide very clear evidence that the digital dating trend is still on the rise. The real question remains however: “Does online dating really work?” Carla B. of EOTM Radio & Media says….”quite possibly…yes”.
The #1 Dating Site for successful Entrepreneurs - Credit: EntrepreneursMatch.com
Dating Tips for Guys
If I had to guess, I’d say that people try to encompass and summarize themselves as a whole, and in the process, it turns into a false interpretation. In light of this, my best advice is to make your correspondence very short, as light as possible, and ending with an open-ended question.
That’s important because it’s the only thing that’s going to drive the conversation moving forward. In real life, social cues and surroundings can do a lot to inspire conversation topics, but via email, it’s up to the individuals to move things forward.
Considering this little nugget, avoid reading her profile and then launching into a long diatribe about either how pretty she is…how much you have in common, or both. You’re still a stranger to them, and as such, laying it on that thick is really off-putting.
The best way I can describe a first-time meeting is like the first time you have lunch or something with a business contact you’ve only dealt with over the phone or email. You know a little bit about them, but that information has been sanitized and you’re not going to have a lot to talk about in person. As you walk to the venue, you’re overcome with the acute and overwhelming sense of dread that comes with the realization that you’re about to meet a complete stranger with explicitly romantic intentions. It’s daunting, for sure.
Once you meet, you realize that all of the prior emails and innuendos and witty banter go out the window. You know very little about this person and your only topics of conversation appear to be the standard “Where are you from?” “What do you do?” type questions, which are inherently un-sexy. It’s better if you’re good at talking about things going on around you (even if it’s just a sporting event on TV) and relaying a story about yourself that ties into it. This will hopefully encourage her to do the same. Also, booze helps — hahaha… but not too much!
So where to meet, what to do… you wonder?
Happy hour is perfect because it’s casual, usually in broad daylight, and offers a time constraint. Sitting down over a few beers after work is a great way to meet someone, see what they’re about and set a time for the next date if things go well. It also tells you a bit about their intentions.
Dating Tips for Gals
Beware of Red Flags: Psychologists at the University of Wisconsin at Madison found that online daters who used fewer first-person pronouns—presumably to avoid spelling out who they really are—were more likely to be lying. And, according to relationship experts, when a man says “I hate drama,” he means he has plenty already; “ready to move on” implies that he’s not; the words intimacy, massages, and pleasurable all roughly translate to creep alert!; and “I’m not sure exactly how to describe myself” is code for low self-esteem. And if a profile seems short—like a guy is hiding something—he probably is.
Lastly, be open to the new experiences, because you’re going to have them. You’ll meet guys/girls who are only interested in a quick fling or casual sex, girls who want a boyfriend, and even girls who already have a boyfriend.
In all the years, after all the articles and radio shows I’ve done on online dating these are some of my best bits of advice I’ve given to men out there searching for love online. Yep, I’m giving it to y’all — a sweet deal indeed. Check out my online dating minutes, now — click the play button below.
Carla B.
Online Dating Tips For Men brought to you by Carla B.’s‘Girls ASK Guys’ series of shows and The E! Buzz Talk Show.
Who are you? What do you like? If you’re a sports junkie who has season tickets to the Broncos, do you want a woman who hates football and wants you home every night? Too many times men end up with women who don’t like the life they cherish. This happens for two reasons: 1)She’s on her best behavior. 2) He isn’t self-aware enough to say, “I can’t/won’t ever give up my love of the Broncos. You okay with that?” Yes, you have to compromise some, but get the important cards on the table early and stick to them!
Hope my tips help and if they do, leave me a message!!
Funny & Interesting Dating & Relationship Talk Show That Makes You Think ~ “Real Questions” by Girls answered by the Guys they love.
Join EOTM Radio host Carla B as she hosts ‘Girls ASK Guys’ a fun interactive relationship talk show that keeps us girls in the know…and gets us our Man!! Puzzled by Guys? Want to know what makes them tick?
You need to know before you get too serious. Is the new man in your life a keeper or a player? Before you get too attached — listen in to questions every woman should ask — seriously!
ASK A GUY?!!
YES, really – ASK a GUY! On EOTM Radio!! Ms. B, get’s them all there for you, every Tuesday at 7pm PST starting on January 21st!
I live in Los Angeles where online dating statistics claim that available women out number men five to one. Those odds are probably even higher at my age (41) and yet I find myself up for the challenge — call me crazy…or just damn… call me…maybe??!
Well y’all ….with over 51 dates under my belt, I recently concluded a year of online dating. I documented my experiences through my blog: (see below) — & whew, it was rough!
THE DIRTY
There were too many men to reference individually who lied about their age and posted photos from their glory college years. Not sure what they thought would happen once we were face to face but it certainly explains the expression, “There’s no fool like an old fool.”
Notably, I also saw a pattern of mistakes men made from the beginning with ‘suspect’ profiles…YES, there is a such thing. Seriously, is anyone going to date a man whose username is MAGICSTICK? In all caps, by the way, because surely one should shout that information. [Shrugs] Then there were the photos. The endless supply of shirtless men snapping pics with their cell phones in bathroom mirrors.
Entrepreneurs Match - The Only Online Dating Site Catering to Entrepreneurs
Online datingstatistics provide very clear evidence that the digital dating trend is still on the rise. The real question remains however: “Does online dating really work?” Carla B. of EOTM Radio & Media says….”quite possibly…yes”.
Carla B. weathers personal relationship fatigue with the hopes of finding the perfect match… or even a husband.
Carla B. of EOTM Media Group - What I Learned from Dating 51 men": Photo credit: EOTM TV
Over the next couple months, (Carla B) will be dating 51 men. She will go on dates at beaches, hiking trails, on the back of Harley-Davidsons’, coffee houses, parks, museums, shooting ranges, etc. She will tell these 51 men about her work, family as well as her passions. She cannot kiss any of these men, reserving physical contact for the one…we might as well say it…who would eventually win her heart. To get started she posted an ad on an online dating site. Profiling some of her best photos, wearing her most glamorous smile!
She stated that she wanted a man who “somehow manages to strike that tricky balance of being both spontaneous and dependable. Or can happily tolerate both sides of her, ” amongst other things.
During the show, April Masonrelationship expert, and CEO of Single No More will be on air sharing her professional opinion on Ms. B’s online dating experiences as well as, “why”, in her opinion, You CAN live by the mantra, which is….in layman terms…“Single No More”.
UPDATED: 4/6/2012
Author: Carla B.
The first show airs on May 5th — Carla B. will be discussing “Mr No Show,” “Mr Jealousy,” “Mr Bully” “Mr Two Timer,” “Mr the Liberated Man,” “The Betrayed,” “The Narcissist,” “Mr Resentment,” “The Virtual lover, The guy that had the happiest childhood,” and a couple others!
UPDATED: 4/7/2012
Author: Carla B.
Ok…now folks that say dating is fun either don’t remember or are simply wrong! When I plunged back into it recently after two years…I was stunned at how hard it was. Knowing what to say, where to go, what to order off the menu, whether I was having a good time, lol. Decisions I could make hundreds of times a day without thinking were suddenly excruciatingly difficult, frightened with the weight of the world…with the possibility of affecting my destiny. This was not…how do I put it….fun?! So after the 1st string of dates I am revising my approach. I will begin to use the world’s most awkward social situations to practice the art of being me! I hope you join me! I plan on coming clean with myself and admitting the stakes are high. I will be discarding the casual stance ( I don’t care what happens, I’m not nervous…I do this all the time). Being “almost” 40 I recognize the importance of seeking love and also that the chances of finding it are unbelievably slim. Such low probability is oddly comforting. I have the long shot’s permission to run the race…my way! Subscribe to receive alerts to all my shows on online dating via EOTMRadio.com.
Getty Images
UPDATED: 4/9/2012
Author: Carla B.
In these new series of shows I’m treating “singleness” as a marketing strategy, in which the women (in this case me) is the product to be advertised. These shows will be dedicated to the women that are sick of wallowing in why they are single. The point is….that she is…and what she will do about it? I’m offering woman an objective business perspective to online dating. Look at it this way, if you were looking for a job, you would post a resume on line, right? You would buy a new interview suit too correct? And you’d do it because you’d be more likely to find a job. Why is it different to find that perfect match or even a husband?
UPDATED: 4/10/2012
The revelation — it’s really hard for me in those first few minutes of meeting someone new. Nothing is worse or more exquisite than my date’s first flicker of disappointment or approval. If he clearly isn’t interested then he was simply another woman’s catch. I got out of her way. I knew I’d meet someone else tomorrow. Even if a first date wasn’t fantastic, I tended to accept second dates to make sure I hadn’t been too hasty in my judgement. The thing I like best about my online dating project is that it validates that nagging sense I’d had for years. Every Friday night I’d spent alone or with girlfriends, I’d believed there had to be several thousand potential dates out there for me, somewhere. It turns out I was right.
To date so many men, I needed to be honest in a new way. In my 20s, when the wrong man asked me out, I usually lied. I was either way to busy, dating someone else or moving to Paris for a year. Sensing my fib, some men refused to let go. A few talked me into dates or worse, relationships. I marvel to think I left the nest without ever learning how to verbalize my own needs and desires.
One of my earliest online dates taught me about honesty. “It was really nice to meet you,” the tall, good looking athletic wrote me in an email after Date #2, “but I didn’t feel that indescribable something that would tell me we’re a match.”
I sat there looking at my computer screen. He had found the words to describe my own sentiments. I didn’t feel rejected. I felt liberated by his courage. Better yet, I stole his line!
UPDATED: 4/13/2012
As first dates go, my latest one rated four stars. The antipasto platter and pizza were good; the conversation was even better. Both of us spoke pig latin, loved Mediterranean food, and had lived in Chicago, so there was plenty to talk about. The chemistry? I knew from his pictures that he was hot,but when we met…was it love at 1st sight? Well, you will have to wait till May 5th for more details on this one.
UPDATED: 4/16/2012 – Date 21
My date with Mr. Resentment – I guess I should have paid close attention during our phone conversations and how he handled my accomplishments. Before our lunch date, which was at one of my favorite spots near the Staples Center, I shared how just that afternoon, I had secured a new client and closed a deal with a media outlet. “Hello, hello, you still there,” I said into my wireless ear piece. Mr. Hubba Hubba Hottie Hunk, simply said, “Yes I’m here, that’s nothing, how much does that break down to, really,” he said chuckling through his phone. “It probably only amounts to six dollars a day after taxes and a couple extra headaches or in your case, migraines. You did mention how you get them after really trying days at the office, correct? ”
Oh yeah folks– that was strike one!
Then he used expressions like, “your little projects” and ” you are just going through a phase,” that was strike two!
At this point in the conversation, I oh so wanted to cancel our 1st date…but being so dedicated to what I set out to do, (dating 51 men) I decide to still meet.
I arrived at our destination about 30 minutes early…best to be in control. He spotted me first and as he walked up to the bar, my stomach dropped, not because of his looks…he was simply gorgeous…it was his attitude, his resentment, his male chauvinist attitude that would be our undoing, before we even began. My grandmother, mother, aunts, girlfriends voices were screaming in my head. Run…Run fast Carla and don’t look back!
I knew I would listen…to their voices…this time around.
Just because “Mr. Resentment,” is having a hard time adjusting to the idea that women are capable breadwinners (which was strike three, by the way) doesn’t mean we (women) have to martyr ourselves into helping them make the transition. This is totally not fair and unrealistic! I’m sure there are men out there that would be very happy to bask in the glow that their woman cast and to consider our talents a positive reflection on them.
So bye bye Mr. (Hottie) Resentment, on to the next one!
UPDATED: 4/17/2012
The Liberated Man – Uh — NOT a match!
Back when I was in my 20’s I had a friend who has always said, I seem to have a very liberating effect on whatever man I am dating. We go on five dates and the next thing I know he’s moved in with me, quit his job and his car is on blocks in my yard. Yes, certain men are more prone to this type of liberation than others. In going on dates with some 51 men (that I hope to learn from) I have found some carpenters, lifetime students, tour guides and musicians all fall into the category of men who are perfectly willing to hand themselves over to the care of a good woman. Oh, I can’t forget some stage performers, skater dudes, surfer dudes and factory workers.
I may have loved me some “liberated men” back in the day…today though, ahh uh…sooooo NOT a match!
UPDATED: 4/18/2012
The Betrayed — gotta love em…right?
I seem to have dated an inordinate number of men who have just been left by a woman for a woman. In general, these men are angry beyond all reason, no matter to what lengths they may go to disguise it, and if you date one, as I, be ready to give up all your girlfriends or you will be accused of being a lesbian too. What’s the ole adage…? ‘Women are consistently emotional’…well in 2012, Men fit the bill too!
UPDATED: 4/19/2012
The Narcissist — he doesn’t like my pets…do I even need to talk about this one?
Put this melodramatic fella at the top of the category that includes he won’t make eye contact with your kids and he doesn’t want to meet your sister, and he even whines the first time you make plans with your girlfriends. A man threatened by the love you have for the pet you sleep with is going to be threatened by more things than you can name. Yes, I dated him (2 times during the course of a week) and it invited this type of conflict in my life…for 1 week ONLY..though. Worse week of my life…I was tired before I even got up in the morning.
4/19/2012 update continued…
So considering I am going on some 51 dates a friend of mine asked, how would I recognize the man of my dreams….
Well…below is my short answer
I want a man who can make me laugh when I am down and who laughs with me when I am up. A man who listens, asks questions and responds. A man who rubs my feet to put me to sleep and who goes out for café’ mocha’s when I am up late working…and he knows that on those working all nighters the answer to any question involving whipped cream is yes. He would wash my hair, cook dinner, read to me on trips and who’s happy when I read, sing or dance for him.
I want a man who when he finds out that there are $199 fares to Kona suggests I go with my bff while he stays home and takes care of my dog. I want a man that would drive that same dog around all night when he is hallucinating and howling after the vet gave him too much postsurgical morphine, because I am away on a business trip. I want a man who loves many things; his work, his landscape, a sports team and his friends. I want a man who knows that love is not a pie, that sex is not a sport, that faith (in the world, in each other) is a little like a full time job.
I want a man that knows that women have a secret, and even though he can’t know what it is, he is smart enough to want to live in its light.
Most important, I want a man who can continue to surprise me for a week, a month a year, a lifetime, which is to say a man who has a big imagination, and who is willing to use it to win my heart.
UPDATED: 4/21/2012
The guy who had the happiest childhood ever…this side of the Beav! Oh yeah…it’s getting good!
Mr. Happy had a smile that could definitely land him a gig as the next Close-Up toothpaste spokesperson. He was almost a “winner.” But things couldn’t really be this great…could they? I’m an optimist, so I gave it a twirl. The 1st phone conversation I found out his mother was perfect, his father never smoked, drank or cheated. He hates the way his friends blame their parents for everything, when he and his siblings had love pouring down on them from the moment they woke in the morning until they went to bed. His parents just recently sold their farm house in Wisconsin and moved into his new home to be closer to him and his siblings. However refreshing this may have sounded to me at first….all that slowly dissipated as this very same story came up over and over. The 4th time he shared his “happy story” I had a flashback of a scene in the original Psycho movie when we all found out the truth about Mother! Very weird! It was almost as if he was trying to convince himself. I noticed how ever now and again as he told his happy story over and over…how if I listened carefully…I heard the creak and the crack of a personal mythology …it was very sad. This guy seriously needed help and I was so not the person that wanted to be around him….when his walls came crashing down. I’m not really partial to loud noises.
After our initial meet and greet, I decided to leave things on a happy note…which came via text “it was really nice to meet you but I didn’t feel that indescribable something that would tell me we’re a match.” Bye bye Mr. Happy!
UPDATED: 4/22/2012
Date #34 — Mr. Jealousy
At first he got a little short with a waiter that smiled at me. Then he was exasperated by how long me and the service guy at the gas station discussed the rising prices in gas. I invited Mr. Jealousy to a red carpet event as my guest and he later pointed out that me and a colleague hugs were too long to be appropriate and one of my bff’s which happens to be male has the hots for me and I don’t even know it…huh…really!?
However flattering his jealousies may have seemed the first five minutes of me knowing him..past experiences remind me they’ll get old and confining more quickly than I could imagine…and when I finally do break up with him, he will hang the scarves I left behind on my trees like nooses and follow me and the next man I date all over town. Bye bye Mr. Jealousy..you gets no love!
Wish me better luck next week…I am keeping hope alive
UPDATED: 4/23/2012
The Virtual lover….
There’s always a hand full in every email inbox…some surprisingly more than others. I try to keep a pretty clean and concise profile as to not attract these types but some always give it the ole school boy try. Here’s a brief account of my experience with “the Virtual Lover.” First off I must admit, Mr. Virtual lover was finer than wine. About 5’10, athletic build, green eyes with bald head..(by choice..I must add…he resembled a shorter version of the Roc. Despite how hot he was…I saw this guys act from the very beginning…but thought it would give me that much needed experience I would need to keep this 51 date thing going and I would probably even get some pretty entertaining content for ya’ll to read. So I dove in head first…not technically though. His conversation wasn’t even unique, “it’s all about the chemistry baby, when we meet…I expect a big kiss cause I know there is going to be an attraction, as long as you look like your picture,” he said. I tried to dig deeper to see if there was possibly a philosophical side to him or something that would warrant me accepting another phone call. “Baby, I can’t wait to see you and look into your eyes and make you mine, can we meet tonight?” Not only No… but hell NO…I wanted to scream. I said no for over a week….I actually enjoyed it a tiny bit..listening to all the not so wonderful ways he tried to convince me…he was very persistent…and in the end that persistence was what gave him that first meeting. All I could think about was wow, maybe he aint that bad after all…having some of the same traits as Colonel Sanders. Did you know Colonel “Kentucky Fried Chicken” Sanders endured over 100 no’s before he sold his famous recipe. These two had something in common and that was very funny to my ears. The Virtual lover Dude never gave up. He texted, called, emailed until I said..ok..to a meet. Upon meeting at a Starbucks, we hugged and he tried to kiss me..I pulled back…uh…sorry….what are you doing! “You don’t feel this, babe, lets leave this place and go somewhere else.” Only place I am going from here is far far away…from you. Sorry, this just doesn’t feel right.
I left the virtual lover boy looking a little uncomfortable for only a brief second before he pulled out his phone, put on the ole ‘make the girls love me smile,’ I guess he used my saying…on to the next one…
I was quite happy it was over.
UPDATED: 4/24/2012
The one Daddy would have approved of??? xoxoxo
I met the perfect guy recently. How does he compare with the others? To date…there is NO comparison..just so you know. I’ve tried not to think of him much…because ..well you know the saying. If he appears like the perfect guy…he’s NOT…he has to have some kind of deformity or something to the effect…right? Or what about the saying (quote) from Bob Marley. “He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.”
How freaking special is that one!?!
I have always loved that quote…and is one I try to live by. The one my daddy would approve of….well…could this handsome gent be the one for me?
Below are three examples some men use to manipulate women. They are my true accounts of dating some 51 Men I met online.
1. He asks you to do something you feel is unethical or dishonest. When you object, he chastises you.
2. He uses affection to coerce you. Mr. Manipulative wants you to do something you don’t want to do. He puts his laundry in your hamper. When you protest that you don’t want to be doing his laundry, he sidles up next to you, hugs you the way he knows you love and starts kissing your face. “Oh, sweetie, you are such a wonderful woman I didn’t think you’d mind doing my little laundry with yours. After all, then our clothes can intertwine, just like we do!”
3. He bullies you and uses guilt to finagle. If you say “no,” he chides you with, “What are you a prude?” Or threatens you, “If we don’t have sex the next time we’re together, I’m history” or “We never have sex. You always have some excuse. I think you don’t love me anymore.”
The bottom line is it’s easy to see these as manipulation when you’re not in a romance with the person. However, when you are, your clearvision can get cloudy.
Read the account of my interaction with the lovely, Mr. Manipulative.
Nothing special about our phone conversations…mostly short and sweet. He was not physically or mentally what I was use to (6ft, 235pds,witty, educated, well versed in the world of politics, world news, sports, economics and of course handsome.) He was not horrible looking…and considering…my standards have changed somewhat in the past couple years…it was his lucky day….but he only had one shot.
I’m gonna call this fella, Mr. “Manipulative,” at about 5’7, Hispanic with 2 children by two women whom by the way, he had never married. He was a small business owner like me…so we had a lil something something in common.
Over the course of about 3 weeks we had a couple of phone conversations and agreed to go on a date…#42…more specifically. He said he knew of a great Spanish place in Santa Monica, so we decided to hang out there. He offered to pick me up and I relented, since I am not really partial to disclosing too much information to early…we decide to meet their. The spot was near Santa Monica pier and from past experience…anything near the ocean is mostly always soothing to my mind….despite it being a first date and all. The restaurant is definitely ideal but on some days it is always packed to the gills.
The dinner was nice. I wasn’t ready to call it a night so I mentioned we should go to a bar up the street. We decided to hop in one car and leave the other parked. We had a interesting talk about internet dating, everything was groovy. However, I started getting a little uncomfortable as we drove in silence. I asked if he could turn on the music and he started flipping through the stations. He then landed on a mostly Spanish station and Ricky Martin’s La vida Loca came blarring through his speakers…it must have been his jam because he put the base up as if he was at the solemnity of the Virgin Mary or some other festivities that celebrate as if there is all there is. I can dig it, so I kept quite. After the song was over, he began with the “I just want to hang out and chill”. I said that the place is not far and is very relaxed, but he didn’t say anything. Then he said “we should go to your house and have a bottle of wine and watch a movie”. I said that this was not an option. He made it a point to let me know that I was insecure in myself which was the reason I would not allow him to come over. He perceived this to be a major flaw in me. He was very subtle in his approach…but his accusations were clear.
When he realized he was not going to get a invitation he just sat there and kind of pouted and said he was just gonna call it a night and drop me off, which he did with barely a good bye. I was home by 10. Funny thing, he texted when he got home and said he had a nice time. I was a bit put off by what happened in the car, but I figured that perhaps he was trying to see how far he could go…and at that point…I knew it was going to be a situation I would not entertain.
Considering I have already experienced his type on more than one occasion ..I decided to end it without even a thought of a second date.
I chuckle to myself, feeling a little bad for him…despite it all. I am sure there are plenty women who would entertain his offers…without any devious forms of manipulation.
In this game we call life I’ve came to realize men are just as insecure as women, sometimes even more. Some men are master manipulators and have the ability to transfer their own insecurities onto their woman. Whatever the case, I refuse to belittle myself to these types of games. After I mentally tossed him aside…I felt so much better. This experiment is helping me on so many levels. I hope it is for you too!
My revelation — 5/1/2012 (5 days left)
Like many women I know, I had always been more concerned with being liked than with liking. What would happen if I stopped arranging my behavior around attracting the other person? I changed the way I dressed for a date…still choosing clothes that looked good but not more revealing or frilly than I would normally wear. I tried not to fill the pauses in the conversation, thinking instead, This is uncomfortable…for both of us. I fully answered questions about my work and my interests, including those parts that I imagined might not appeal to my dinner partner.
I also reconsidered the way I looked at my dates. It’s hard to see a person accurately when there’s even a sliver of a chance that he might turn out to be the person with whom you share children and utility bills and a bed for years on end. What you want so often blocks what’s actually there. And what’s there on the table between you… is two luggage racks full of baggage…a Samsonite sundae piled high with hopes, dreams, disappointments, losses and long-held ways of understanding the world. We’re all products of a particular time and place, family and religion, history and culture, coincidence and physical attributes. To listen with openness and say what you mean across that mass takes concentration and presence of mind. No time left to worry about whether you should have worn the Manolos.
One of my vision clarifying exercises was to re-examine how I perceived my date’s imperfections. (This was a lil tricky because I had the capacity to find fatal flaws before the bartender took our order.) Some of the fault finding was accurate…but most of it was defensiveness and anxiety. So I began to practice grace and charity, to give these near strangers a wide berth, to allow them the sincere, complicated, and glorious humanity that…I too…was working so hard to let out.
Even if nothing resulted between us…the usual scenario…we had shared a reasonable attempt to make a connection. Thinking of us as colleagues and not adversaries helped me relax, and I often enjoyed myself even when no sparks flew.
Just when I was getting the hang of being myself and disentangling nervousness from neurosis…I went on a date that ended my need to date…possibly forever…
UPDATED: 5/3/2012
Here is what I have learned, in order for dating to work, stop trying to make it work. I don’t mean to suggest that you’ll suddenly be having the time of your life. I found dating some 51 men…difficult and challenging and sometimes heart wrenching. But I was determined to approach it with a gentleness toward myself and the other sorry sot across from me… and to breath through it all. What a difference that has made.
UPDATED: 5/5/2012
Online Dating: My strategic approach (couple nuggets)
All singles in search of a whine-fest should roll right on past this train station,(update). Anyone who gets off at Carla B’s station will be served a particularly strong shot of truth. For the woman that wants success in their dating life I have a promise for you, put yourself on a plan that I call, “Carla B’s Online Dating Program,” and you just may have one foot in that Vera Wang gown.
As I mentioned in my earlier posts, ^ I am treating singleness as a marketing issue. My dating program is a strategic plan, in which the woman is the product to be advertised.
This entire experience is dedicated to the woman who is sick of wallowing in why she’s single. The point is…that she is and what the heck will she do about it.
Hey! I’m a entrepreneur first and foremost, hopefully many can appreciate my new found objective business perspective.
I am dedicated to the task at hand, it’s 100% for anything, whether it’s losing weight, finding a job, or quitting an addiction. I have no doubt that it all becomes a challenge we can rise above.I’ve seen what the power of focus can do for anyone that’s committed…not just in words but action.
So, let’s start with the first steps of online dating.
Find a dating site that fits your needs and create your dating profile. Create your ad thoughtfully and consider every word. My finished product reflected my attitude, a combination of ‘you have to play to win,’ and hey..why not!?
Profiles Do’s and Dont’s — Wondering if you should mention your snoring, your dexterity with the saxophone or your knock knees?
1. Post a terrific photo. Put on lipstick, a cowboy hat or your coolest t shirt and stilettos. (just get yourself in that rock on frame of mind…whereas you are the most confident…is all I am saying.) Play your favorite CD. Props that make you feel soulful, frisky and fascinating help you make those claims for yourself in your ad.
2. Do not oversell your appearance.
3. Show your personality, don’t tell it.
4. Seriously avoid personal ad speck. Example: don’t ‘like fine dining,’ when you can be passionate about prime ribs. don’t ‘enjoy movies’ when you can declare your undying love for Brad Pitt.
5. Include the basics; age, occupation, whether or not you have children and what you are seeking in a mate.
6. Don’t lie about your age.
7. Unless you know for sure that you only want to meet, say, a non smoking Asian dentist, go easy on the list of qualities he must have.
8. It’s dating, not brain surgery. You can do it over..you can do it again!
After the profile is LIVE
You will get lots of responses right off the bat. Some may be ludicrous, like the 40 something guy that in a Hawaiian shirt who offered to fly me to Vegas for the weekend! Trust me when I say…you will delete far more than you’ll answer.And if by chance you decide to meet and he’s not a match, don’t be afraid to tell him. Feel free to use my line, “I didn’t feel that indescribable something that would tell me we’re a match.” Wish him well, the discomfort will be short lived. You both are now free and you have learned a valuable lesson in personal boundaries. I call it a suit of comfortable, light weight body armor, my newly declared boundaries keeping me safe.
The date that was worth waiting for..?
Over the past two months I had to train myself to listen closely to what my deepest instincts said in the first nanosecond of meeting a man. Hmmm…maybe, I thought when I spied him walking into the sports bar. With every subsequent date, the voice grew surer. I never expected my soon to be ‘new man’ would come from a different culture, and be as witty as me, but he is. He must be remarkable to tolerate me continuing with my 51 dates, yes he is. Hopefully he is confident in my feelings for him, knowing I looked long and hard to find him. The parade of men who preceded him helped me know myself better. They repeatedly tested my ability to speak up or to stay quiet when needed to. They certainly taught me to appreciate the man who, in the end, answered not only my ad..but my dreams.
Be sure to tune in Sunday at 7pm PT via EOTM Radio for a live recap of my dating experiences with 51 Men!
Looking to find success in love online? According to experts, honesty, patience and a well-thought-out profile are all anyone needs to find true love. What’s your take? Leave your comments below.
EOTM TV – The source for breaking news, pop culture, indie films, music videos, celebrity interviews, talk interactive radio and so much more. EOTM is here with all your new media, radio, entertainment, public relations, marketing and event solutions. Our goal is to partner with you to create, facilitate and grow.
