By Carla B.
Defining True Love
“I believe in the immeasurable power of love; that true love can endure any circumstance and reach across any distance. Awakening our soul to the core. It’s the fire in our hearts that brings peace to our minds.” — Carla B.
What Is Love?
- True Love is Caring. The ancient Greeks had many different names for different forms of love: passion, virtuous, affection for the family, desire, and general affection. But no matter how love is defined, they all hold a common trait: caring.
- True Love is Attractive. Attraction and chemistry form the bond that allows people to mate. Without this romantic desire for another individual, a relationship is nothing more than lust or infatuation.
- True Love is Attached. Like the mother-child bond, attachment comes after the initial attraction. Attachment is the long term love that appears anywhere from one to three years into a romantic relationship (sometimes sooner and very rarely after), and you’ll know you’ve found it when you can honestly say, “I’ve seen the worst and the best you have to offer, and I still love you,” while your partner feels the same way.
- True Love is Commited. When it comes to true love, commitment is more than just monogamy. Its the knowledge that your partner cares for you and has your back, no matter what the circumstances. People who are strongly commited to one another will, when faced with seemingly negative information about their partner, see only the positive. For example, a friend comments that your partner doesn’t say a lot. “Ah yes, he’s the strong, silent type,” you reply. People with less commitment to their partner would instead say something like, “Yeah, I can never have conversation with him. Its annoying.
- True Love is Intimate. Intimacy is a crucial component of all relationships, regardless of their nature. In order to know another, you need to share parts of yourself. This self-revealing behavior, when reciprocated, forms an emotional bond. Over time this bond strengthens and even evolves, so that two people merge closer and closer together. Intimacy by itself if is a great friendship, but compiled with the other things in this list, it forms an equation for true love.
It Definitely Isn’t…Manipulation.
Read my interaction with the lovely Mr. Manipulative below, which was part of ‘What I Learned from Dating 51 Men I Met Online.’Nothing special about our phone conversations…mostly short and sweet. He was not physically or mentally what I was use to (6ft, 235pds,witty, educated, well versed in the world of politics, world news, sports, economics and of course handsome.) He was not horrible looking…and considering…my standards have changed somewhat in the past couple years…it was his lucky day….but he only had one shot.I’m gonna call this fella, Mr. “Manipulative,” at about 5’7, Hispanic with 2 children by two women whom by the way, he had never married. He was a small business owner like me…so we had a lil something something in common.Over the course of about 3 weeks we had a couple of phone conversations and agreed to go on a date…#42…more specifically. He said he knew of a great Spanish place in Santa Monica, so we decided to hang out there. He offered to pick me up and I relented, since I am not really partial to disclosing too much information to early…we decide to meet their. The spot was near Santa Monica pier and from past experience…anything near the ocean is mostly always soothing to my mind….despite it being a first date and all. The restaurant is definitely ideal but on some days it is always packed to the gills.
The dinner was nice. I wasn’t ready to call it a night so I mentioned we should go to a bar up the street. We decided to hop in one car and leave the other parked. We had a interesting talk about internet dating, everything was groovy. However, I started getting a little uncomfortable as we drove in silence. I asked if he could turn on the music and he started flipping through the stations. He then landed on a mostly Spanish station and Ricky Martin’s La vida Loca came blarring through his speakers…it must have been his jam because he put the base up as if he was at the solemnity of the Virgin Mary or some other festivities that celebrate as if there is all there is. I can dig it, so I kept quite. After the song was over, he began with the “I just want to hang out and chill”. I said that the place is not far and is very relaxed, but he didn’t say anything. Then he said “we should go to your house and have a bottle of wine and watch a movie”. I said that this was not an option. He made it a point to let me know that I was insecure in myself which was the reason I would not allow him to come over. He perceived this to be a major flaw in me. He was very subtle in his approach…but his accusations were clear.
When he realized he was not going to get a invitation he just sat there and kind of pouted and said he was just gonna call it a night and drop me off, which he did with barely a good bye. I was home by 10. Funny thing, he texted when he got home and said he had a nice time. I was a bit put off by what happened in the car, but I figured that perhaps he was trying to see how far he could go…and at that point…I knew it was going to be a situation I would not entertain.
Considering I have already experienced his type on more than one occasion ..I decided to end it without even a thought of a second date.
I chuckle to myself, feeling a little bad for him…despite it all. I am sure there are plenty women who would entertain his offers…without any devious forms of manipulation.
In this game we call life I’ve came to realize men are just as insecure as women, sometimes even more. Some men are master manipulators and have the ability to transfer their own insecurities onto their woman. Whatever the case, I refuse to belittle myself to these types of games. After I mentally tossed him aside…I felt so much better. This experiment is helping me on so many levels. I hope it is for you too!
How do you define true love? Leave in comments below and tweet @eotmpr #GUYSAskGIRLS